Perinatal Grief

Life-limiting diagnoses received during pregnancy may be an emotionally traumatic event for parents, families, and communities. Grief is a normal and universal human emotion in response to loss. However, not being able to continue functioning in daily life because grief is too strong and too deep is not normal. If you or someone you know is experiencing debilitating grief, also known as intense or complicated grief, professional help may be necessary. Understanding the nature and depth of grief following perinatal loss is important on the journey towards healing.

Below are some common myths about perinatal grief. Learning about perinatal grief helps grieving parents understand that what they are feeling is normal, and helps friends, families, and communities support grieving parents.

Myths About Perinatal Grief

• Grief is worse for people whose loss occurs later in the pregnancy than those who experience early pregnancy loss.
  • Research shows that the intensity of grief following perinatal loss is not effected by how far along a person was in their pregnancy. Parents who experience miscarriage at 10 weeks gestation may grieve as intensely as parents who experience stillbirth later in their pregnancy. Rather than gestational age, studies have found that the reality of the pregnancy to the expectant parents influences the intensity of grief. Parents who perceive their pregnancy as real and think of their baby as a son or daughter experience more intense grief following perinatal loss than parents whose pregnancy has not yet sunk in as real.
• Grief will end when the pregnancy is over.
  • Parents who have experienced perinatal loss do not stop grieving when their pregnancy experience is complete. Some parents may experience intense perinatal grief for years to decades following their loss. Most parents grieve deeply for at least one to two years.
• Parents who terminate their pregnancy do not experience grief.
  • The decision to continue or terminate a pregnancy is a very personal choice for parents. Parents who choose to terminate their pregnancy, whether or not in regards to a life-limiting diagnosis, often grieve very deeply for their child. Studies have found that parents who end a pregnancy with a life-limiting diagnosis may experience depression, anxiety, and posttraumatic stress disorder. Parents are also often mistreated by friends, family, and co-workers who do not agree with their decision, particularly as there are many religious and political ideas attached to pregnancy termination. It is very important to recognize that parents who experience perinatal loss for any reason may experience grief and may experience prolonged and intense grief.
• Perinatal grief is not as intense as grief following the loss of a child, friend, parent, partner, or spouse.
  • A common misconception about perinatal grief is that parents who lose a child they never knew or held won’t feel grief as intensely as they would if they lost someone they knew. Researchers have found that perinatal grief is so different from other types of grief that it is considered a separate type of grief. It is also found to be a paradox, meaning parents do not often feel what they or others would expect them to. If you would like to know more about the paradox of perinatal loss, you can click on the link HERE.
• Only women are effected by perinatal loss.
  • Research shows that men are also deeply impacted by perinatal loss. Men and women express grief differently. Society and culture shape how men and women are expected to grief. In many cultures men are expected to be strong and stoic. Consequently, men’s grief is frequently overlooked or unrecognized. There are also fewer resources for grieving fathers.